finally she fell asleep. she cried hard earlier on. and i cried too. mom is full of drama.

don’t know whether i’ve been a good mom or not. but sometimes memang mengundang marah perangai nya. kids are like that – been listening to this for a thousand times 😌 have been chanting that to myself too. normally it works, but today is exceptional i guess.

πŸ˜₯ i feel super bad. my intention is just to teach her. i hope she knows that i love her my than my own life πŸ˜”


Bring Back

been hay-wired this few days. was not that well last week. and work doesn’t help. my sleeping habit changed. i have problems sleeping at 11pm. started to sleep at 2am. and that sucks ! 😭 i used to have a normal schedule for my sleep, but i don’t know what went wrong.

i need my sleep back. may be this is the reason why i become cranky.


currently on the  big bang theory marathon 😜 hopefully i can sleep later


Without You

i slept all day. i don’t go out and meet people. including my brother. and my other friends. i just see him. i think that is the best thing for me today. he is the only person that makes me feel comfortable being myself. especially when i am not okay 😌 i didn’t put on my make ups. i didn’t dressed up. i don’t know.

i was not that sad today. but i feel empty. April is always tough for me. it was this day i totally lost him. and it was today that i have to admit that i won’t be able to talk to him anymore. there will be no calls from him. there will be no shopping time with him. there will be no lunch and dinner date with him 😒 and it hurts !

they say there is a reason,

they say that time will heal,

but neither time nor reason,

will change the way i feel,

for no one knows the heartache,

that lies behind our smiles,

we have broken down and cried,

we want to tell you something,

so there won’t be any doubt,

you are so wonderful to think off,

but so hard to be without.


2 years

Marked two years today. You left us. You left me. The person i trust the most. The one i love the most. The one who never have doubt in me ❀️



Just Us


This tells me what is love. This tells me what it feels to miss someone. How hurtful it is not to see each other everyday 😭

Simple. Just us. All of us. And i feel complete ❀



when i am home, i prefer my laptop more than my TV. i don’t bother to watch movies or series. i would rather read something on the net. or simply be here 😌 i just love to write even my language is not that good. but whatever πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ


when i am alone, i feel calm and quiet. as if i belong to only myself. sometimes i feel empty. sometimes i feel i am not myself. some other times, i feel numb. i always think about my family when i was a kid. everyone was around. it feels complete.

may be i just miss something i call, a family 🌿