she’s a nice girl with a broken heart, someone said. that’s what make she’s hard to herself.
since i admit that i have mild depression, i want to make myself better. if possible, i want to cure this mental illness. but at the same time, i have major trust issue. hence, i cannot tell this problem to anyone. i don’t trust the psychiatrist. i don’t even tell my parents. yes, abah was still here at that moment. i kept things to myself. because that is the only way i can guarantee that my secret is safe. and nobody will be mocking me with my sickness.
then there was one day, i cannot keep up with the tension i had in my head. i have a very heavy heart. and it affects my breathing. i breath heavily. i showered, hoping that it cools me down. i closed my eyes and emptied my head. slowly, i can catch my breath again. then i know i need help. i need to find someone i can talk to.
Suraya, is a friend of mine since we were in Uni back then. a psychiatrist by profession. a specialist in child psychological development. and forever a friend to me. so we talked about this. we had our coffee session. i talked about my daughter too. the impacts on her. what should i do. and a lot more. basically i want to do everything just to overcome this illness. i don’t want to be sick anymore.
after all, there are things that i need to always remember about healing. healing takes time. and she suggested that i should write about it. don’t be ashamed of what you feel. grab some note books and write them all. pour your anger, your love, your sadness, your everything into that book, she said.
life sure gives you a lot of twist. but if you need help, don’t be scared to look for one. admit that you need help. and if someone talk to you about his or her depression, please listen to them very carefully. it takes a whole lot of energy just to open up to you. lets help each other !
Listen, Dec, 2017