Life is hard

We rarely talk about depression in our community. It is hardly accepted. If we tell, people tend to joke about it. As if it is very funny. Certain people will only think that you are attention seeker 😞 Or you are just stress. Depression is more than stress. Like seriously more than that.

My life sucks. But i know others have worse. Not trying to compare to anyone because we battle different kind of living.

As for me, i got married once, been cheated a few times. Until one day i know i have to stop it. That’s it. I will end it. Even though i know that my community is so sceptical towards single mothers. I still have to.

We are looked down. As if we are not worth any value. We are treated differently, in hurtful ways. People are very creative when it comes to hurting others πŸ˜…

My depression is mild. It just hit me once or twice. I feel like i am sinking in a dark sea. It’s cold and nobody is there to help me. It just me dying alone. I heard voices in my head.

You are not important;

No one will fight for you;

You are worthless;

You are nothing;

Not special;

Nothing to be proud of;

You are ugly inside out;

And the list goes on.

i have some other impacts on myself too. i have trust issues. i have insecurities. everything seems so complex to me. i don’t talk to people, because for me they are all fake. i stay away from crowd. i avoid eye contact when in conversations. my circle is super small. i’m happier that way.

At one point, i feel like giving up my life. That’s the only way i will stop this pain. But i know i have to take care of my daughter. So i fight that feeling. I try to talk to others, but their responses will only hurt me more. Sometimes, this is where i broke myself even more.

For the past few years the only progress i made was, i accepted the fact that i have depression. I have to be strong to live on. And still carry the burden that my daughter is incomplete because of me 😭

No matter how strong i wish i can be, sometimes i need someone to hold me tight and tell, i know it’s tough but everything is going to be all right ☺️

Dec, 2017

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