Seek Help

she’s a nice girl with a broken heart, someone said. that’s what make she’s hard to herself. since i admit that i have mild depression, i want to make myself better. if possible, i want to cure this mental illness. but at the same time, i have major trust issue. hence, i cannot tell this problem to anyone. i don’t trust the psychiatrist. i don’t even tell my parents. yes, abah was still here at that moment. i kept things to myself. because that is the only way i can guarantee that my secret is safe. and nobody will be…

Life is hard

We rarely talk about depression in our community. It is hardly accepted. If we tell, people tend to joke about it. As if it is very funny. Certain people will only think that you are attention seeker 😞 Or you are just stress. Depression is more than stress. Like seriously more than that. My life sucks. But i know others have worse. Not trying to compare to anyone because we battle different kind of living. As for me, i got married once, been cheated a few times. Until one day i know i have to stop it. That’s it. I…


There was a girl. used to be a very friendly one. She talked nicely to everyone. Especially to the elderly. She was once a happy young lady. But things changed. People left. Being cheated on. Again and again. she lives on, just not the same way she used to. Now, she hardly talk to strangers. she chooses to stay away from the crowd. She cries too much these days. She has severe trust issues.   I hope one day, she’ll be happy again 🙂 she doesn’t have to justify her life to everyone. She, 2009


  I am not cool guys. Very not cool 😭 I am not okay. Super not okay. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I just want to stay in my bed. All day long. Fighting your own self is not easy. Battling with your own emotion is killing your brain. I don’t know. I just don’t know. Very unstable. That’s my condition. Dec, 2017


Yesterday. It started yesterday when i think my insecurities become more complex than the usual one. Suddenly i feel that i want to hide. From every one. My eyes wander. I cannot focus. I don’t look into the eyes when i have conversations. I don’t want to see them 🙁   I want to leave this place. I want to stay away from people. They are bad. They cannot be trusted. I want to go far, please 😞 I don’t deserve anything, anyone in this life. Be strong, Dec, 2017

Fixing Life

  I love beautiful places. They keep a lot of good memories. I want to go far when i am sad. I want to go far so my stories won’t be heard by others. I want to go far so people cannot judge me. I want to go far so they don’t remember me. I want to fix life, for a better one. But i cannot fix a broken trust. Dec, 2017